Who Can It Happen To?

Quite simply, to anyone.  It could have happened while you were a child or teenager, or as an adult.

But I didn’t fight

Some abusers use violence or threats of violence against you or those you care about.  But for many men and boys fear of what is happening, sometimes a very real fear of losing your life, might make you freeze and make fighting impossible.  Many children or young people were groomed over a long period of time.

What is grooming?

This is a process in which the generally older abuser slowly establishes a relationship of trust with a younger person and introduces sexually inappropriate behaviour in such a way as to draw them in and normalise the sexual interaction.  The grooming process often leaves the child or young person feeling responsible or complicit in what happened.

Was it my fault if I was drinking or taking drugs?

We believe that nothing you do entitles another person to take sexual advantage of you.  If you have been drinking or taking drugs and someone sexually violated you, that doesn’t make it your fault or mean that you asked for or deserved what happened.

How often does it happen?

Much more often than people think.

Office for National Statistics (2007) published figures tell us that at any given time 11% of boys under 16 are victims of some form of sexual abuse.  At current population, that’s over 700,000 victims.  This indicates that there are in excess of 2 million adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse in the UK.  The same reports tell us that in adulthood, 3.5% of men have been sexually assaulted, broken down as 905,000 assaults and 120,000 rapes.  That’s over a million sexual assaults against adult men.  Over 1,000 men report being raped to the police every year and the police and government admit this is likely to be less than 10% of the real number.

Is what happened to me a crime?

Abuse against children (up to the age of 16) is generally referred to as Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) and happens when an adult or older adolescent uses a child or younger adolescent for sexual stimulation.  CSA can take many forms including asking or pressuring a child to engage in sexual activities (regardless of the outcome),  exposure  of the genitals to a child, displaying pornography to a child, actual sexual contact  with a child, physical contact with the child's genitals, viewing of the child's genitalia without physical contact, or using a child to produce pornography

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Abuse against adults fall into the following broad categories:

• Rape
Under the Sexual Offences Act 2003, it is an offence for any male to penetrate with his penis the vagina, anus or mouth of a female or male without their consent.  Male rape became recognised in law in 1994 but the 2003 legislation made victims of rape gender neutral.

• Assault by penetration
This happens if any male or female penetrates the vagina or anus of another person without their consent. The offence is committed where the penetration is by a part of the body (for example, a finger) or anything else (for example, an object) for sexual intent.

• Sexual Assault
Where any male or female intentionally touches another person sexually without his or her consent.

What does 'consent' mean?

In simple terms, it's all about permission (or agreement). This is something that must be clearly established between two people before any kind of sexual act or behaviour and you can change your mind at any time.

Are these a gay crimes?

Evidence suggests that the majority of men who assault other men and male children identify as being heterosexual.  It is a myth that it is a gay crime.

Can sexual violation make me gay?

It’s very common for men who have been sexually violated by another person to have questions about the effect that violation might have on their own sexuality.  We often get asked “Was I assaulted because he/they thought I was gay?”; “Does this happening to me mean that I am gay.”  It’s common for these experiences to raise fears about sexual identity.

Many of our gay clients ask if sexual abuse suffered in childhood could have determined their sexuality as adults.  In our experience, the majority of men sexually abused by other men in childhood identify as heterosexual in adult life.  What research there is points to sexual abuse having no significant effect on adult sexual orientation.

What if I had a physical reaction?

Our bodies are designed to respond to physical stimulus and many of these responses are entirely involuntary.  For example, a man may get an erection or ejaculate during a sexual assault or a child may feel physical pleasure during abusive acts.  This does not mean that you asked for it to happen, that you enjoyed it or that it was in any way your fault.  You just had a normal reaction to physical stimulus.

Are there female abusers?

Yes.  Recent research (American, Canadian and Australian) all indicate that up to 25% of sexual abusers of all children are female.  The same studies tell us that women are responsible for about 40% of sexual violation of boys.

Is it as bad if the abuser was female?

Popular culture mythologises the young boy being introduced to sex by an experienced older woman.  But if that boy is under 16 it’s still a crime and in younger children the effects are the same as if the perpetrator is male.  In some cases, for example where the abuser is the mother of the child, it creates even bigger obstacles to coming forward as young children have a strong instinct to protect their mothers.  There may also be a greater fear that they will not be believed as society finds it difficult to accept that women (especially mothers) do commit sexual assaults against children.

Will being sexually violated make me an abuser?

The vast majority of men who have experience childhood or adult sexual violation do NOT go on to sexually offend against children or other adult men.  Statistical analysis is unreliable and current thinking is that the figure is around 10%.