Some of our clients have written saying how their experience of SurvivorsUK has helped them, scroll down to read some of their experiences below. 

Ashley writes about his experience of rape in his 20's soon after he'd come out as gay and how counselling helped him work through this.  Maria's partner had experienced childhood sexual abuse and she called our helpline for support in understanding the difficulties in their relationship .  Stuart talks about how helpful he found counselling to help him rebuild his life after childhood sexual abuse.

(Please note any identifiable information has been changed to protect confidentiality.

Ashley's story

I didn’t really know where to turn to when I was raped, but I looked online and found SurvivorsUK.  It helped me to know that they had been running for a good few years so I thought that they’d know a lot about what happened to me, so maybe they’d not be shocked.  I’d not had counselling before so I really didn’t know what to expect and felt really nervous when I turned up for the first appointment to see a counsellor.

I was worried about telling the counsellor what had happened and how.  Even though they’re experienced I just assumed that they’d not believe me, or they’d be shocked in some way.

It took me a while to tell my counsellor what had happened, I found it hard to talk and wanted to avoid telling her the details, but I also knew I’d feel a lot better once I’d said it.  I didn’t feel any pressure from her, she told me to take my time so I didn’t feel like she needed to know in a way, which made it easier to tell her.  Basically I’d gone on a date with a guy who I’d been chatting to online for a bit, it was our first date.  We’d had a few drinks together and were getting on fine I thought, but then things just turned nasty.  I keep on getting flashbacks to that night and can’t really believe that it happened; he’d seemed such a nice guy.  I find it hard to find the words to say what happened, it’s hard to use the word rape.. I just know something happened that I didn’t want to.

It was really hard for me to tell anyone because I’m 24 and only just come out as gay to some of my friends.  This guy was one of the first I’d met from an internet dating site.  I guess I feel like it’s my fault, if I’d not gone on the date with him it wouldn’t have happened.  I took me a good six months to contact SurivorsUK after it had happened.

I felt reassured by how my counsellor responded to me.  I know that I was really hard on myself and kept blaming myself, but I felt my counsellor was kind and supportive and let me talk at my own pace to explore how I was feeling.  I had counselling for about 8 months which really helped me to turn a corner and get out of a dark place.  I hadn’t really been coping well by myself and had started to drink a lot more.

Since I've ended counselling I've noticed that I've been able to reach out and ask others for more support and have started to trust people again.   Counselling really helped me understand what happened to me and to realise that although I still have bad days, I've been able to move on and embrace life.

Maria's story

My partner Ben and I were starting to think about having a family and I knew he was anxious, but one day he dropped a bombshell and told me that he didn’t think he could have children, because he had been abused.  We’d been together four years when  he told me and I was shocked he’d kept it secret all that time and I’d never really picked up on anything.
I felt that I didn’t know how to respond, I wanted to support him, but I felt out of my depth about something I didn’t know anything about.  So I called the SurvivorsUK helpline.  At first I wasn’t sure if they’d be able to help me or if they’d only help Ben.

It really helped me that the helpliners were used to talking to friends and family of men who’ve been abused, so I didn’t feel as if I had to explain myself in some way; I didn’t feel that I had to apologise that I wasn’t a man calling up, or that I had to talk about Ben all the time, I felt that the helpliner was really listening to me and how I was feeling.

I like that it was anonymous, so I felt more able to really talk about my fears without feeling judged.  I remember feeling really angry with Ben that he’d kept this secret from me for so long, but I also felt afraid of asking him why he felt that this was a reason he couldn’t have children.  From talking to the helpliner at SurvivorsUK I found it helpful to find out that this was a really common fear for men who've been abused; both a fear of not being a good enough parent but also a fear of being an abuser because of what had happened to them.

I called the helpline a couple of times over a month or so and I spoke to different people each time.  I liked that I didn’t have to explain myself that I could launch right into what was on my mind.  I feel that this was a stepping stone for me finding out more about male sexual abuse.  I started reading about it and after sharing my fears with the helpliners, I felt more able to start to talk to Ben more about it.

I’m not going to say that it was easy, we both struggled at times to talk about a really difficult subject, but after a while Ben decided to get some counselling for himself so that he was also more able to talk about it. We were able to get information from the helpline about services near us as we don’t live in London and both felt secure knowing that the services suggested were specialised like SurvivorsUK.

I feel happy that I’ve been able to be more supportive of Ben without him feeling judged by me.  We’re not quite ready to start a family yet, but we both feel that it’s not a definite no anymore and that’s a step in the right direction!

I can’t emphasise enough how much it helped me to know that there was a helpline out there that could support me to, because it’s not just the man who’s been abused who is affected.

Stuart's story

Thirty years of silence, thirty years of living with something that was not my fault
But all the same I blamed myself and every one else indirectly. For those of you who are reading this, I feel it is important for you to know and understand that no matter how bad you feel it won't get better on its own and you are not the only one who will suffer, so will all the people you care about and love. I know, because I have been there and so have they.

I always thought that no matter what happens I will never tell or say anything, just the shame the embarrassment what would people think of me, so dirty, disgusting and soulless. Well the day came where I couldn't cope with it anymore, after 13 years in the army, numerous tours of Northern Ireland, the Gulf etc, and then years as a police officer. Just get up and dust yourself down wouldn't work anymore. Every day things become a nightmare and a reminder of what my nightmare was and when my mother died I realised that I had no childhood memories.

I could not remember anything other than the bad things that happened to me.  I had spent so long blocking out the past there was nothing to remember only the same video that played in my mind all my life since that day. Just the reminder of what he did to me.

That is when life started going all wrong, I could no longer be a father to my kids nor a husband to my wife and I could feel a door closing on me. I walked out after 15 years of marriage - I just got up one day and decided to leave.

Two years we were separated and I went to counselling because I could not cope without the family that I had left behind. But I could not tell them about my abuse, I became what I can only describe as suicidal. I wrote the letters and I had a lovely bottle of Regimental whisky which I had since 1992. The plan was an overdose, I would phone work sick and spend days in front of the television doing nothing, just staring into space.

The days I did go to work were terrible at times but there were days when my friends saw me through the day just by being them. In hindsight I would say I am very proud to work with them for keeping me going at the times I didn't care what happened to me.

In December 2001 I came forward as a survivor/victim.  
The circumstances being a number of things at that time that I was dealing with in relation to my employment and a number of issues relating to paedophilia. I cannot tell you or be able to put into words how I felt having told someone. I had finally told someone, then my wife, then my supervisor - not all at the same time but people that needed to know. But it was not as easy as that when I first came forward.

I started to lose my mind I am convinced of that. I didn't know myself any more and everyone I saw or met, I was convinced they were paedophiles. I then relived on a daily basis for weeks my nightmare, which had never left me. I was in total torment and at times life was at a standstill, I went to counselling within my occupation but they were not able to give me the specialist counselling that I needed. They were someone to listen, they would give me three hours at a time and I went every week until April 2002.

It was then I found Survivors UK.  How can I describe Survivors UK without being biased? For starters I don't think I could. But let's say if you could now remember things that you couldn't remember before and it was the things you specifically wanted to remember. If you wanted to understand what happened to you, and knew that it was not your fault. If you needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to hold your hand, or someone to give you reassurance, someone to put their arm around you. But most of all someone to understand where you have been and know what you feel. Someone to knock down all the barriers that you put up over the years to find comfort, or to hide the fact you had been abused.

Survivors UK will knock down the barriers and then help you rebuild them.  Sounds like an advert doesn't it? But it is no advert. It is fact and true, because as I say, I have been there. So if you are thinking about coming forward then make that call, change your life, give yourself what you deserve, FREEDOM.

I won't pretend that after having counselling that it will all go away because it won't, even now I still have days that I feel a bit depressed, but generally better days than I have ever had. Christmas is Christmas again and a little boy inside smiled for the first Christmas that he could ever remember. I did not sit and write this for my benefit nor for the benefit of Survivors UK, but only for those who read this who have come to Survivors UK looking for some encouragement.

I am now home with my family again, I can feel a love and passion I have never before felt in my life. Thank you Survivors UK.

Stuart