It’s got a label I believe. Positive psychology.
I was coached in tennis as a boy. I wasn’t much for it. My coach, also young, used to put a tennis ball box on the other side of the court in a position where a serve should bounce. He told me to throw the ball up and try and hit it. As opposed to? As opposed to analyzing and fragmenting every move of the body in order to make the perfect serve, which was typically the procedure.
So? In thick of the storm of recovery it’s all you can do to function. Even to breathe can be enough. To sob as hard as you can is a great thing to do and can be just what you do. The idea of a future of ‘moving forward’ is not in the picture. And that’s right. That’s what is right at that time. Then there’s the analysis. The obsessive thinking. The overwhelming emotions. The breaking it down. The grasping to understand. The seemingly impossible acceptance. The tooling oneself up; learning to be assertive, reading, understanding of the effects of abuse, and a developing a support network. The talking. The sharing. The endless recalibration of everything and everybody and you…you are moving forward. This is the process.
Yes. An Odyssey.
But to aid you – what about a picture? A plan. A blue print. A projection. Perhaps in the quiet calmer moments, and they will be there, help yourself. Maybe use good times that happened in the past and reboot them and throw them forward. Create attainable, realistic goals; small ones. Acknowledge when you get there to each one, no matter how small you think it is. Well done me. Nice work dude. Project a you; the same wonderful you, but a ‘you’ that can do it, because you can and will. A ‘you’ you like. You’re there despite what you might think just now (that feeling of not wanting to be in your own skin…). Because you are going to get through this. You’ve made that decision – and that’s all you have to do – ‘I’m going to get through this’. And by way of helping yourself, (and you are good at this because you’ve survived this far despite the odds. You are, in fact, good at looking after yourself. You’ve had to because until now you’ve felt so alone), create a picture of a thriving you. You’re great: truly a marvel. So expand those thoughts about yourself and hold them and paint that picture of a ‘you’ that finds the World easier to be in and accepts that you belong just like everybody else.
I get righteous when I’m pleased with myself. I’m trying and I believe succeeding in heading towards my own picture (two forward one back). A picture of, on the whole, a balanced Greg that can take life, again on the whole, in his stride. If I don’t project forward positively how can I expect a positive outcome? And more than that…what am I going to do about it FOR ME!
I’m not turning my back on this massive issue. I’m not diluting what I and you have been and are going through. But surely, with a positive picture it’s going to be easier. I need all the help I can get.
I don’t want to wallow in this. I’m 56. My mate died recently. Life is short. With my positive picture and holding the positive moments hey…, I want to live a long life now and I may as well make it as positive as I can. It’s a choice I can make, I can choose to think of a positive future…
Surely it starts with accepting that I am firstly, responsible for my own recovery…(note to self)…and that includes creating a plan, my plan for me.