This blog post discusses the impacts of sexual abuse. If you are affected and need to speak to someone, please contact us via our helpline.

I had never really considered getting a tattoo in the past, so finding myself in a tattoo parlor for the first time last May at the age of 52 was not something I would have predicted.

It has not been an easy couple of years. Between the ages of 7 and 14, I was subjected to regular sexual abuse from someone who lived out his sadistic and degrading fantasies through me. It was years before I told anyone about it. The classic PTSD symptoms still taunt me and I’ve been going through a sustained difficult period. Having said all that I’m still working towards wholeness and healing (whatever that might look like for me) with the support of those around me.

For those who have been violated through sexual assault, the burden of carrying the guilt and shame is very common. Learning that we are not responsible for what was done to us is not a one-off thing for survivors, but, in many cases, is something that needs to be relearned very frequently. I absolutely believe that victims of rape and sexual assault should be given anonymity through the legal process, but there is a nagging thought at the back of my mind this in somehow colludes with the idea that to be a victim is shameful. Why should we be ashamed of what has happened to us? The guilt is with the perpetrator. Always. Whilst saying this, I acknowledge my reluctance to tell my story publicly and I have huge respect for those that do.

I very much hope that SurvivorsUK will reinstate the #weseeyou campaign at some stage. The green button pin is a powerful symbol, letting people know that they are seen, and have the opportunity to ‘unbutton’ their stories if they choose to do so.

Which brings me to my tattoo. *It is a message to survivors that they are seen. *It is an opportunity to start a conversation (or not) about mental health and surviving abuse or assault. *In addition, for me, the scars from my abuse are permanent and I now have a permanent mark of my journey towards healing.