Over the past few years, I’ve struggled with the events of my childhood and specifically opening up to people about my sexual abuse.
As a man, having been sexually abused and coming to terms with the fact that it will forever be a part of my life has been difficult. For a long time, I felt embarrassed – like I didn’t have a voice and like I was alone.
My abuse went on for around about 2 years, the perpetrator was at the time a family friend and someone who themselves would be seen as ‘vulnerable’. It developed into a twisted ‘relationship’ where I was groomed and ultimately felt trapped.
At the time, I believe I was 12 and honestly was craving the attention of anyone. Being the youngest of 5 brothers with the oldest sibling being old enough to be my dad, I never spent much quality time with my parents. I’ve never put any blame on them for anything that happened, my parents allowed me to have a great childhood but I never felt able to open up to them emotionally.
As a Latino man, emotions and feelings were quite a taboo subject in my household and it took me several years to come to terms with the fact that what happened was real.
I first opened up to my wife 5 years ago and only in the last 6 months told my parents. But ever since I did, I feel like a weight has been lifted.
I’ve always used YouTube as an escape, I’ve made videos on and off for over 10 years but I think I’ve finally found my purpose. I want to share my story, my experiences, and my journey as a way to help others.
I’m hoping by doing this, I can inspire other men to step forward and seek help. I’m hoping that by switching my camera on and speaking out, I can continue to move forward to the future.
The goal is to be a figure for mental health, to try and make some form of change in the world and raise awareness for something that has consumed my life for up until now.
Hopefully you’ll join me on this journey, you’ll subscribe and help me build a community for people who suffer with their own mental health issues. More support is needed, more services are needed with regards to our National Health Service and people like me have to stop being thrown around from pillar to post with the excuse of “not being able to help”.
Please go ahead and share this with people you know, maybe someone who’s been through a similar situation or someone who you think would benefit from seeing me opening up about a traumatic experience that once consumed my life.